Car safety systems have come a long way, but he was out to prove they could be outsmarted
He was surprised that his immense laziness was inspirational to others
People who insist on picking their teeth with their elbows are so annoying
The estate agent quickly marked out his territory on the dance floor
For the 216th time, he said he would quit drinking soda after this last Coke
He used to get confused between soldiers and shoulders, but as a military man, he now soldiers responsibility
Toddlers feeding raccoons surprised even the seasoned park ranger
Nobody has encountered an explosive daisy and lived to tell the tale
That must be the tenth time I’ve been arrested for selling deep-fried cigars
The child’s favorite Christmas gift was the large box her father’s lawnmower came in
The gruff old man sat in the back of the bait shop grumbling to himself as he scooped out a handful of worms
He had unknowingly taken up sleepwalking as a nighttime hobby
At that moment I was the most fearsome weasel in the entire swamp
He decided that the time had come to be stronger than any of the excuses he’d used until then
I trust everything that’s written in purple ink
People keep telling me “orange” but I still prefer “pink”
Despite multiple complications and her near-death experience
There is no better feeling than staring at a wall with closed eyes
Fluffy pink unicorns are a popular status symbol among macho men
I really want to go to work, but I am too sick to drive