Flesh-colored yoga pants were far worse than even he feared
I liked their first two albums but changed my mind after that charity gig
The fact that thereâs a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell explains life well
He decided to fake his disappearance to avoid jail
Nobody loves a pig wearing lipstick
As he waited for the shower to warm, he noticed that he could hear water change temperature
He quietly entered the museum as the super bowl started
He would only survive if he kept the fire going and he could hear thunder in the distance
I am counting my calories, yet I really want dessert
His ultimate dream fantasy consisted of being content and sleeping eight hours in a row
My secretary is the only person who truly understands my stamp-collecting obsession
Today I heard something new and unmemorable
Buried deep in the snow, he hoped his batteries were fresh in his avalanche beacon
People generally approve of dogs eating cat food but not cats eating dog food
Mothers spend months of their lives waiting on their children
The anaconda was the greatest criminal mastermind in this part of the neighborhood
The body piercing didnât go exactly as he expected
The fact that thereâs a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell explains life well
Youâve been eyeing me all day and waiting for your move like a lion stalking a gazelle in a savannah
I received a heavy fine but it failed to crush my spirit