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I want to buy a onesie… but know it won’t suit me

I used to practice weaving with spaghetti three hours a day but stopped because I didn’t want to die alone

Two more days and all his problems would be solved

. Edith could decide if she should paint her teeth or brush her nails.

. While all her friends were positive that Mary had a sixth sense, she knew she actually had a seventh sense.

She thought there’d be sufficient time if she hid her watch. Too many prisons have become early coffins.

Stop waiting for exceptional things to just happen. Her daily goal was to improve on yesterday

Don’t put peanut butter on the dog’s nose. When confronted with a rotary dial phone the teenager was perplexed

Everyone was busy, so I went to the movie alone. Shakespeare was a famous 17th-century diesel mechanic

It’s not possible to convince a monkey to give you a banana by promising it infinite bananas when they die

Toddlers feeding raccoons surprised even the seasoned park ranger

The fish dreamed of escaping the fishbowl and into the toilet where he saw his friend go

There have been days when I wished to be separated from my body, but today wasn’t one of those days

He hated that he loved what she hated about hate

Siri became confused when we reused to follow her directions

Jim liked driving around town with his hazard lights on

My dentist tells me that chewing bricks is very bad for your teeth

The small white buoys marked the location of hundreds of crab pots

The child’s favorite Christmas gift was the large box her father’s lawnmower came in

He is good at eating pickles and telling women about his emotional problems

There’s a reason that roses have thorns