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You’ve been eyeing me all day and waiting for your move like a lion stalking a gazelle in a savannah

Having no hair made him look even hairier

Everything was going so well until I was accosted by a purple giraffe

I’ll have you know I’ve written over fifty novels

David proudly graduated from high school top of his class at age 97

He wasn’t bitter that she had moved on but from the radish

The body piercing didn’t go exactly as he expected

Flesh-colored yoga pants were far worse than even he feared

She used her own hair in the soup to give it more flavor

It dawned on her that others could make her happier, but only she could make herself happy

Three years later, the coffin was still full of Jello

It’s much more difficult to play tennis with a bowling ball than it is to bowl with a tennis ball

He went on a whiskey diet and immediately lost three days

Even though he thought the world was flat he didn’t see the irony of wanting to travel around the world

She thought there’d be sufficient time if she hid her watch

The spa attendant applied the deep cleaning mask to the gentleman’s back

I often see the time 11:11 or 12:34 on clocks

Greetings from the galaxy MACS0647-JD, or what we call home

Sometimes I stare at a door or a wall and I wonder what is this reality, why am I alive, and what is this all about

I don’t respect anybody who can’t tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke