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A kangaroo is really just a rabbit on steroids

Today I dressed my unicorn in preparation for the race

The child’s favorite Christmas gift was the large box her father’s lawnmower came in

The hawk didn’t understand why the ground squirrels didn’t want to be his friend

He was an introvert that extroverts seemed to love

The fact that there’s a stairway to heaven and a highway to hell explains life well

All she wanted was the answer, but she had no idea how much she would hate it

She had a difficult time owning up to her own crazy self

She wanted a pet platypus but ended up getting a duck and a ferret instead

Doris enjoyed tapping her nails on the table to annoy everyone

When I cook spaghetti, I like to boil it a few minutes past al dente so the noodles are super slippery

Jim liked driving around town with his hazard lights on

Check back tomorrow; I will see if the book has arrived

Everyone was busy, so I went to the movie alone

You should never take advice from someone who thinks red paint dries quicker than blue paint

He barked orders at his daughters but they just stared back with amusement

It’s important to remember to be aware of rampaging grizzly bears

I was offended by the suggestion that my baby brother was a jewel thief

She was disgusted he couldn’t tell the difference between lemonade and limeade

The crowd yells and screams for more memes